This weekend of yoga teacher training was very stressful for some of the students because a few of us performed our "yoga finals." This means we were to teach our very first one hour class to the rest of the students. It was, basically, the culmination of everything we had learned in our yoga teacher training, performed in its entirety, in front of everyone, for the very first time.
It. Was. Terrifying!
I was one of the yogis who taught. My heart raced crazily in the moments leading up to my "yoga final". Earlier in the week, as I was practicing my routine (in my room, alone, to my closet doors, ha!), I had started to feel somewhat nervous, especially at times when I messed up the words I wanted to say or I forgot little "nuggets" of wisdom I'd written down. I practiced again to make sure I didn't forget them, and that helped some of the nervousness subside.
When the big day came, I was feeling pretty confident. Several of the other students asked me if I was nervous, and I told them that I wasn't, and I was telling them the truth. As the other students rolled out their mats and as the instructor turned up the heat in the studio in preparation for practice, I suddenly felt paralyzed. Exhilarated. Afraid. I was definitely NOT feeling the way I do when practicing yoga! In that moment, I tried to center myself and to convince myself I would be just fine as I knew how hard I had worked during the week. But, WOW. That stress was SO overwhelming!
As I began teaching, my heart still pumped hard in my chest and I knew my breaths were short. I wondered if any of the other students actually noticed. After teaching through a few sequences, however, and realizing that I could do what I had been working on all week, I started to feel calmer. I was, however, on a scale of 1-10, at about a 5 or 6 on the stress scale at any given moment. Also, I'll be honest. It wasn't perfect. It went well, and I was happy with how it turned out, and I received a plethora of positive feedback, but there were a few things I know I will want to work on for the next time I teach.
As the other students taught their classes to the rest of us, I noticed several things. The first was that they were ALL nervous in the moments leading up to their classes - exactly as I had been. They too wished to do well. I don't doubt they wanted their performance to be perfect, just as I did. I also noticed, as they were teaching, that they may have missed a cue or pose or they apologized when they tripped over their words. As I noticed these things, though, I realized very quickly that they were trying so very, VERY hard in those moments where things weren't perfect. I also noticed this, too. I saw that their hearts were truly in the teaching. They were so beautiful to me in their imperfection because I knew EXACTLY how they felt.
If the other students are reading this, I hope that you know this: I loved EVERYTHING about all of your classes because you were all growing and trying. There was NO WAY on this planet that our classes could have been perfect! What class is? What teacher is? NO ONE and NO CLASS is! Isn't that just so totally wonderful to know?
What is even more exciting and comforting to me is that every single class that was taught this weekend was enjoyable. I was so proud of all of us for all the work we had done. We had all performed beautifully and earnestly. I find it so silly that any of us may have been unhappy with any little slip up that may have happened.
There was simply no need for any of the student performances to be perfect. They were wonderful anyway!
In arriving to these thoughts, I was reminded of an article I'd read recently about how we can be happy in all aspects of our lives, even in our imperfections. The author, Kim Manfredi, wrote, "Here are five ways to embrace imperfection, to help you realize the perfect being that you truly are:
1. Love your imperfect body. This is where the heart lives."
She states here that because she broke her spine when she was 18 and practices yoga, she is more able to assist others who have back issues as well when she teaches her yoga classes. She also is more empathetic to those who suffer from other injuries or ailments. This, in turn, creates more compassion her practice and her teaching.
"2. Have fun with your imperfect mind. This is where freedom lives."
She says here that she, at one time, had become proficient at judging herself. When she learned to embrace the imperfections not only in her body but also in her thinking, she felt freer. She decided she was good enough and that the negative thoughts were limiting her.
"3. Be imperfect in action. This is where the ability to help others lives."
Here, she emphasizes that every single day there is the possibility that we may mess up. Mistakes are made, but that doesn't mean we can't get back up on our figurative horses and give it another go! Our own mistakes help us help others who may make the same ones. When we share in those mistakes, we become closer.
"4. Be imperfect in speech. This is where inspiration lives."
This particular point ties in very well with our "yoga finals" this weekend. No one said everything they wanted to perfectly, but that was totally OK because our classes were excellent anyway! Besides, Kim states: "If I said everything perfectly, then what would be left to share?" Isn't that just so true?
"5. Enjoy your imperfect life. This is where happiness lives."
Kim says here that we are all broken. No one's life is perfect. Also, nothing is ever as it seems. No matter what the situation, it could always be worse. Always. Look for joy in your life, because there is good in every situation.
This last point also resonates with the situation the other students and I faced this weekend. I got the impression that some of them felt the same way I did when they were done teaching their "yoga final" - that they could have done better. However, none of us really could have done any better than the way we did. This is because each class was a reflection of the student who was teaching. Each class was so dramatically and fabulously different because it was taught by women who were trying very hard to be themselves, teaching something they loved to others, who they wished to perform well for. Just the fact that they tried, practiced, and downright did it, makes the experience of it a perfect one.
Excellent job this weekend, ladies!
Sarah
(Excerpts are from http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-17019/how-to-be-imperfect-still-perfectly-happy.html)
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Why being "uncool" rules.
"The only true currency in this bankrupt world is the truth that we share with one another when we are being uncool."
-Line from movie "Almost Famous"
I think many of us experienced our first desires to be liked when we were in our school age years. I remember thinking to myself, at that time, that I wished I was seen as "cool." Whenever I had the opportunity to do something that'd make me look good to others, I'd take it. I despised any moment where I might have come off as awkward or unprepared. I worried excessively about whether or not I was liked. It was an extremely awkward time as I was unsure about almost every decision I was making.
All of that deliberating was for naught, though, as I was not voted Prom Queen. Not. Even. Close. Did that make me unhappy at the time? Maybe. However, looking back on it now, I'm totally OK with it. Why? All the connections I made back then to those that really cared about me...well, they knew me for my "uncoolness". My parents supported me regardless of my mistakes (thank God for them, truly). The teachers who meant a lot to me were the ones I could honestly talk to about my feelings and needs. The friends I still have from that time shared in the deep feelings we experienced together way back in the day. I didn't have to be "cool" to them. They accepted me for who I was.
Over time, I've learned that being "uncool" is where it's at! The richest relationships in my life are the ones where I'm brutally honest with the ones I'm sharing my thoughts, feelings, and qualms with. What really enriches the relationship is when they let me know all of those very real things about themselves as well. The people I care about the most are real with me and don't put on a pretty face when they're around me as well.
What I think is very important to note is that these relationships are rare. There are only a few people in my life who can really handle my real-ness. It's extremely difficult to find others who you can really open up to, and, yet, they still accept you. But I think that's what makes these relationships so very, very deep. They can grow and deepen because there are precious few of them and we pay extra special attention to them.
The movie line above was taken from one of the entries in the book Meditations from the Mat by Rolf Gates. The book contains daily entries which elaborate on how yogic principles are experienced in everyday life. Gates writes: "This movie line presents two profoundly beautiful and ordinary aspects of satya (or, quite literally, truth, in Sanskrit): letting go of pretense and telling the truth about ourselves to another human being. Haven't we all had those moments of startling honesty with someone else?" He mentions examples such as while in therapy or on the sickbed of a loved one." He says, "these are sacred moments, as we come out of hiding and allow ourselves to simply be truthful with another human being, without trying to 'be cool'."
I absolutely agree with Rolf in that our most sincere and genuine connections with others are when we are being completely honest, open, unmasked, and "uncool".
Where I think that "uncool-ness" can be seen in action is at each and every single yoga class. Those who practice yoga probably don't know what they look like as they do the yoga poses because they've never seen themselves actually doing yoga. But, you guys, when seeing others while practicing teaching, everyone looks so awkward! The poses put the body in places they're not normally used to being in. The poses all exist for very good and deliberate reason, but it is a little bit humorous to see some of the faces that are made by the students performing a yoga class. Yoga can truly be a challenge. Yoga is facing the reality that your body craves. Yoga is REAL. Those who practice yoga are being completely "uncool" with their bodies...but they're forming a fabulous and deep connection with their bodies as well. They don't care, not one single bit, about how they look or how they're perceived by the yoga teacher or by the others in class. (At least I hope not! Because...really...no one cares what you look like in yoga class! Everyone's just concentrating on doing the class!) It is the same as the solid, candid, truthful, and satisfying connection that results from being real with others, only, it's with your body.
This is most definitely a reason why I adore yoga so much. Each person in a yoga class is being real with their bodies, just like they're being real with those who they deeply connect with in their lives.
See, that's why being "uncool" rules.
Sarah
-Line from movie "Almost Famous"
I think many of us experienced our first desires to be liked when we were in our school age years. I remember thinking to myself, at that time, that I wished I was seen as "cool." Whenever I had the opportunity to do something that'd make me look good to others, I'd take it. I despised any moment where I might have come off as awkward or unprepared. I worried excessively about whether or not I was liked. It was an extremely awkward time as I was unsure about almost every decision I was making.
All of that deliberating was for naught, though, as I was not voted Prom Queen. Not. Even. Close. Did that make me unhappy at the time? Maybe. However, looking back on it now, I'm totally OK with it. Why? All the connections I made back then to those that really cared about me...well, they knew me for my "uncoolness". My parents supported me regardless of my mistakes (thank God for them, truly). The teachers who meant a lot to me were the ones I could honestly talk to about my feelings and needs. The friends I still have from that time shared in the deep feelings we experienced together way back in the day. I didn't have to be "cool" to them. They accepted me for who I was.
Over time, I've learned that being "uncool" is where it's at! The richest relationships in my life are the ones where I'm brutally honest with the ones I'm sharing my thoughts, feelings, and qualms with. What really enriches the relationship is when they let me know all of those very real things about themselves as well. The people I care about the most are real with me and don't put on a pretty face when they're around me as well.
What I think is very important to note is that these relationships are rare. There are only a few people in my life who can really handle my real-ness. It's extremely difficult to find others who you can really open up to, and, yet, they still accept you. But I think that's what makes these relationships so very, very deep. They can grow and deepen because there are precious few of them and we pay extra special attention to them.
The movie line above was taken from one of the entries in the book Meditations from the Mat by Rolf Gates. The book contains daily entries which elaborate on how yogic principles are experienced in everyday life. Gates writes: "This movie line presents two profoundly beautiful and ordinary aspects of satya (or, quite literally, truth, in Sanskrit): letting go of pretense and telling the truth about ourselves to another human being. Haven't we all had those moments of startling honesty with someone else?" He mentions examples such as while in therapy or on the sickbed of a loved one." He says, "these are sacred moments, as we come out of hiding and allow ourselves to simply be truthful with another human being, without trying to 'be cool'."
I absolutely agree with Rolf in that our most sincere and genuine connections with others are when we are being completely honest, open, unmasked, and "uncool".
Where I think that "uncool-ness" can be seen in action is at each and every single yoga class. Those who practice yoga probably don't know what they look like as they do the yoga poses because they've never seen themselves actually doing yoga. But, you guys, when seeing others while practicing teaching, everyone looks so awkward! The poses put the body in places they're not normally used to being in. The poses all exist for very good and deliberate reason, but it is a little bit humorous to see some of the faces that are made by the students performing a yoga class. Yoga can truly be a challenge. Yoga is facing the reality that your body craves. Yoga is REAL. Those who practice yoga are being completely "uncool" with their bodies...but they're forming a fabulous and deep connection with their bodies as well. They don't care, not one single bit, about how they look or how they're perceived by the yoga teacher or by the others in class. (At least I hope not! Because...really...no one cares what you look like in yoga class! Everyone's just concentrating on doing the class!) It is the same as the solid, candid, truthful, and satisfying connection that results from being real with others, only, it's with your body.
This is most definitely a reason why I adore yoga so much. Each person in a yoga class is being real with their bodies, just like they're being real with those who they deeply connect with in their lives.
See, that's why being "uncool" rules.
Sarah
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